Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Cause Of Americas Obesity:

Let me speak if I may on a matter very near and dear to my heart, not that I claim to be an authoritative figure on the subject but I have been known as one who has "dabbled" in the battle of the bulge. With that said I would like to turn the attention of this post to why I believe America is obese.
A couple of months ago I was at the scout office doing some last minute shopping before I was to take the scout troop to camp for the week, everything seemed to be going fine until I happened upon a sign that sent me into a Jason Bournesque flashback of a time long long ago. You see to any normal person happening upon this sign it may have appeared very normal but for me as I looked at it the word "Husky" seared to the very center of my soul.
It was in my Bournesque flashback that I saw myself as a young fourth grade boy in a fine shopping establishment known in those days as "Bugle Boy." On that certain day I was there shopping for some new pants, we asked the salesperson if she could point us in the direction of the pants and as she turned around and looked at me she said, "Let me direct you to the Husky section."
We found some pants and were on our way but the damage had been done, in my poor pre-adolescent mind I was no longer the overweight, hipsanic looking, exercise induced asthmatic that I had been, I was now embolden with a new sense of confidence as a muscular, fit and "Husky" child. In the next leg of my journey I was taken to the playground at Park Oaks Elementary where I was rocking it in my new "Husky" sized Bugle Boy pants.
On that day as was typical on days when I looked like I had a little more confidence than usual some of the other kids on the playground decided that it was necessary to draw a little more attention that usual to the fact that I was quite overweight, or "A Big Fatty" as they chose to phrase it. Armed with a new sense of self I chose that it was time to make them aware that I, in fact, was not "A Big Fatty" but was actually Husky.
As the laughter rolled in, my bubble had been burst and I realized then that the people at Bugle Boy were liars and cowards, and that sadly enough there was no such thing as Husky, but just a nice way of calling impressionable children "Big Fatty's" without actually having to say it.
As I came to from my flashback I found myself drenched in a cold sweat in the parking lot of the BSA Store and I got in my car and drove home.
That day has haunted me in the months since and it is today that I must sadly announce that the good people from Bugle Boy and the BSA store are going to Hell. "Why are they going to Hell?" might you ask, well, for single handedly causing the obesity of Americas Youth. To the two of you that read this stand strong with me and let these and other establishments know that if peoples clothes are the size that they have to start charging extra for, it doesn't do them any good to make up a cute sugar coated name for it, the size should clearly be stated on the sign as it is, not size "Husky" but size "Time To Make Some Changes In Your Life."
I apologize if this journey through my life was painful for some of you, but let it be a lesson to you, dont fall for the lies and deception of "the man."

5 comments:

Aubree said...

I don't think that is the cause of obesity, but maybe a way to avoid the reality of it. I think the cause is the fact that the majority of restaurants cater to fat people by offering 3 pages worth of FAT and a short two dish section of "healthy items". Well those healthy items don't taste good. Also I wonder as I walk through the isles of walmart, how do they come up with 150 types of Oreos? Why does the majority of shelf space belong to FAT? Thats my two cents, and yes Nathan, you were a big fatty.

Aubree said...

By the way, that wasn't aubree, that was Dave

kathryn said...

yes, well, i think people want to be husky because it ryhmes with musky. and musky just sounds sexy.

kathryn said...

p.s. i think i just brought your readership up to 3!!! congrats!

The UnMighty said...

I just thought the BSA was going to Hell for all the gays it called to positions of leadership. I guess this is just one more strike against them.